Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
