Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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