if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
