I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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