i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
