Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
