I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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