that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
