I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
