The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
