just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life