I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.