i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
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I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
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We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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