Im at strip club and am horny
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
