Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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