Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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