i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
