he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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