sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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