Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
