One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
