i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
