i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
