The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
