her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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