ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Randomize
