i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
my liver is dry heaving
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
