Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
