If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
