Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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