I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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