If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
