My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
we should paint friendship bongs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize