We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
