so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
