I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
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he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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