i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
