proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I need mimosas to revive my soul
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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