you traded sex for a burrito?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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