3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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