i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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