Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
