Cold hands, warm shart.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
