we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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