I just pynch a tree in the face
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
