i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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