My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
