Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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