I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
