the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
