what if every blade of grass was a penis?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
