just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
