i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
