No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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