so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
