She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
