dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
