I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
