Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
